Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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