sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
