there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
pray to the hookup gods
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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