I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
