oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Man, jail baloney is awful.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
