I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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