Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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