3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
