Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
