ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
