Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
