he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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