She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
