Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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