I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
