hotel room ftw
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
