good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
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