Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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