Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
