Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
