He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
