Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
