So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
