I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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