Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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