Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
