i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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