no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My liver just had a heart attack.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
