dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
