Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
