I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
