i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
