How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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