im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
