I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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