He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
