and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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