Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
