we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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