best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
