Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
