she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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