Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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