Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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