I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
