saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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