Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
