I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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