I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
