Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
