Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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